When I was a kid, when school got out at the end of the day, we all filed out of the building and onto busses that headed off in different directions to drop us somewhere near our houses. I am sure it happened occasionally, but as a kid, I don't remember a single parent driving onto the school grounds to pick their child up, ever - save a few broken limbs or prescheduled doctor's appointments. Maybe a quarter of the kids walked home, but the rest of us sat on giant yellow vehicles and waited for our stop.
Apparently something has changed since then. Head to any one of the private or public schools that my kids have attended, and there is a very different ritual that goes on. To be fair, at some of the schools, the options for bussing were limited, so many children didn't even have the option to partake of the unique social phenomenon of the school bus. In these cases a car line is perhaps necessary, but even in my experience with schools (public mostly) where a bussing option is obligatory, a car line forms with parents, grandparents, older siblings and nannys jockeying for a spot in the queue. Here is specifically how it works at my younger son's current school:
School lets out at 3:05pm and the process of matching up students with cars begins precisely at 3:15. A car line noob might decide that this starting time is a fine time to show up, but when he gets there, he immediately worries that there must have been an explosion or some other disaster on campus, or that at least his watch is not working properly because at 3:15 there is a line of cars that winds down from the pick-up spot, the entire length of the private road, and out onto the main road causing a jam at the intersection and the people in the neighborhood to start writing down license plate numbers because pickup cars are blocking access to their driveways. One solution at one of my older son's previous schools was to create an amusement park-esque maze in the satelite parking lot and onto the paved section of the playground where cars would weave around cones as they slowly moved to the front of the line to pick up their kids. The last time I arrived "on time" it took approximately 25 minutes to finally get my kid.
In other words, most people know to get their early. How early you ask? Well, the other day I had a meeting that ended at 2:00, so I drove directly to the school thinking that I would grab the first spot at about 2:20 and then finish up some work on my ipad in the car. I did indeed arrive at 2:20, but I was still NOT first! 55 minutes I waited to pick my kid up as close to 3:15 as possible, but I still couldn't grab the coveted first spot.
What I and a few other parents will do is actually come at the very end of the designated pick up time. After 3:40, any students left are rounded up and sent to the extended day program (which comes with a fee) so I typically aim for about 3:35. The result is driving right up the road and not stopping until I pull up to the sidewalk where my son is waiting. It is tempting to feel triumphant for such an efficient job, but then the door opens and I get that look from my son that says, "Why don't you care about me as much as all the other kids?" I try staring back with, "You aren't the last kid to be picked up. Look, that kid is still waiting..."
"Really, you are comparing me to that kid?" is the telepathic reply, and then he knows to ask if we can stop for ice cream on the way home or some other thing that exploits my parental guilt.
I am used to that by now, but it still leaves me asking, "Why?" Why is it so important for these parents to pick their kids up as close to the end of school as possible? Do they miss their kids that much? Not likely. Do they all have soccer practice, or swim team, or piano lessons to get to? Probably, but for the amount of time parents spend playing chauffer to get their kids to all these activities, is picking the ones that start right at 3:30 really worth an extra half hour or more sitting in school yard traffic? For those who send their nannys, maybe it is some kind of passive aggressive punishment for threatening the parental relationship between them and their child. Or maybe it is just more evidence of a world that has become increasingly more competitive to the point of no practical reason to be early at all outside of proving to the other parents that you love your child 2 minutes and 37 seconds more than they do.
My parents met me at the bus stop on the very first day I rode the bus home, and then that was it. All the other days, I stepped off the bus, walked up to the top of the hill, banged a right across the neighbor's back yard and let myself in the side door. My stop was one of the last on the route, and I was a little jealous of the kids who got to walk home or had an earlier bus stop. But I didn't feel any less loved. I hope my kids don't feel less loved either. Cause they can continue to count on seeing me at 3:35.
Apparently something has changed since then. Head to any one of the private or public schools that my kids have attended, and there is a very different ritual that goes on. To be fair, at some of the schools, the options for bussing were limited, so many children didn't even have the option to partake of the unique social phenomenon of the school bus. In these cases a car line is perhaps necessary, but even in my experience with schools (public mostly) where a bussing option is obligatory, a car line forms with parents, grandparents, older siblings and nannys jockeying for a spot in the queue. Here is specifically how it works at my younger son's current school:
School lets out at 3:05pm and the process of matching up students with cars begins precisely at 3:15. A car line noob might decide that this starting time is a fine time to show up, but when he gets there, he immediately worries that there must have been an explosion or some other disaster on campus, or that at least his watch is not working properly because at 3:15 there is a line of cars that winds down from the pick-up spot, the entire length of the private road, and out onto the main road causing a jam at the intersection and the people in the neighborhood to start writing down license plate numbers because pickup cars are blocking access to their driveways. One solution at one of my older son's previous schools was to create an amusement park-esque maze in the satelite parking lot and onto the paved section of the playground where cars would weave around cones as they slowly moved to the front of the line to pick up their kids. The last time I arrived "on time" it took approximately 25 minutes to finally get my kid.
In other words, most people know to get their early. How early you ask? Well, the other day I had a meeting that ended at 2:00, so I drove directly to the school thinking that I would grab the first spot at about 2:20 and then finish up some work on my ipad in the car. I did indeed arrive at 2:20, but I was still NOT first! 55 minutes I waited to pick my kid up as close to 3:15 as possible, but I still couldn't grab the coveted first spot.
What I and a few other parents will do is actually come at the very end of the designated pick up time. After 3:40, any students left are rounded up and sent to the extended day program (which comes with a fee) so I typically aim for about 3:35. The result is driving right up the road and not stopping until I pull up to the sidewalk where my son is waiting. It is tempting to feel triumphant for such an efficient job, but then the door opens and I get that look from my son that says, "Why don't you care about me as much as all the other kids?" I try staring back with, "You aren't the last kid to be picked up. Look, that kid is still waiting..."
"Really, you are comparing me to that kid?" is the telepathic reply, and then he knows to ask if we can stop for ice cream on the way home or some other thing that exploits my parental guilt.
I am used to that by now, but it still leaves me asking, "Why?" Why is it so important for these parents to pick their kids up as close to the end of school as possible? Do they miss their kids that much? Not likely. Do they all have soccer practice, or swim team, or piano lessons to get to? Probably, but for the amount of time parents spend playing chauffer to get their kids to all these activities, is picking the ones that start right at 3:30 really worth an extra half hour or more sitting in school yard traffic? For those who send their nannys, maybe it is some kind of passive aggressive punishment for threatening the parental relationship between them and their child. Or maybe it is just more evidence of a world that has become increasingly more competitive to the point of no practical reason to be early at all outside of proving to the other parents that you love your child 2 minutes and 37 seconds more than they do.
My parents met me at the bus stop on the very first day I rode the bus home, and then that was it. All the other days, I stepped off the bus, walked up to the top of the hill, banged a right across the neighbor's back yard and let myself in the side door. My stop was one of the last on the route, and I was a little jealous of the kids who got to walk home or had an earlier bus stop. But I didn't feel any less loved. I hope my kids don't feel less loved either. Cause they can continue to count on seeing me at 3:35.
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